Biden as Sir Joseph

Gilbert & Sullivan's musical play HMS Pinafore

	Come on man! Here's the deal. In America anyone can be President. Even me! Umm. You know the thing. Don't be a long face pony soldier. I get it. Look. Here's how I did it. (whisper)
When I was a lad I served a term As office boy to an Attorney's firm. I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor, And I polished up the handle of the big front door. He polished up the handle of the big front door.	When I was a lad, I lived in Scranton As office son of a used car sales man I cleaned the windows and I swept the floor, And I polished up the handles of the old car doors. He polished up the handle of the big car door.
I polished up that handle so carefully That now I am the Ruler of the King's Navy! He polished up that handle so carefully, That now he is the ruler of the King's Navy!	I polished up the handles so carefully That now I am President of the USA! He polished up that handle so carefully, That now he is President of the USA!
As office boy I made such a mark That they gave me the post of a junior clerk. I served the writs with a smile so bland, And I copied all the letters in a big round hand. He copied all the letters in a big round hand.	At Catholic School I made such poor marks That they only passed me in the Football park I schmoozed my friends with a smile so bland, And I copied all their home work in a Biden hand. He copied all their home work in a Biden hand.
I copied all the letters in a hand so free, That now I am the Ruler of the King's Navy! He copied all the letters in a hand so free, That now he is the Ruler of the King's Navy!	I copied all their papers with plagiary And now I am President of the USA! He copied all the papers with plagiary. That now he is President of the USA!
In serving writs I made such a name That an articled clerk I soon became; I wore clean collars and a brand-new suit For the pass examination at the Institute. For the pass examination at the Institute.	Not serving in uniform in Viet Nam That Draft Deferrer I soon became; I wore clean collars and a brand-new suit To pass the Bar exam at Syracuse. Pass Bar examination at Syracuse.
That pass examination did so well for me, That now I am the Ruler of the King's Navy! That pass examination did so well for he, That now he is the Ruler of the King's Navy!	I barely passed, but did well for me, And now I pick Supreme Court nominees He barely passed, but did well for he, That now he picks Supreme Court nominees
Of legal knowledge I acquired such a grip That they took me into the partnership. And that junior partnership, I ween, Was the only ship that I ever had seen. Was the only ship that he ever had seen.	Of legal knowledge I acquired such a tip for the Trans Pacific Partnership . That TP partnership, I mean, Was the only ship that I had ever seen. Was the only ship that he ever had seen.
But that kind of ship so suited me, That now I am the ruler of the King's Navy! But that kind of ship so suited he, That now he is the ruler of the King's Navy!	But that kind of ship so suited me, That now I am the ruler of US Navy But that kind of ship so suited he, That now I'm Commander of Military!
I grew so rich that I was sent By a pocket borough into Parliament. I always voted at my party's call, And I never thought of thinking for myself at all. He never thought of thinking for himself at all.	I grew so rich that I was sent By Big Bank Lobbyists to The Senate I always voted at my party's call, And I never thought of thinking for myself at all. He never thought of thinking for himself at all.
I thought so little, they rewarded me By making me the Ruler of the King's Navy! He thought so little, they rewarded he By making him the Ruler of the King's Navy!	I thought so little, they rewarded me by making me President Obama's VP! He thought so little, they rewarded he by making him President Obama's VP!
Now landsmen all, whoever you may be, If you want to rise to the top of the tree, If your soul isn't fettered to an office stool, Be careful to be guided by this golden rule. Be careful to be guided by this golden rule.	Now landsmen all, whoever you be, If you want to rise to the top of the tree, If your soul isn't fettered as a Chinese tool Be careful not get caught breaking voting rules. Be careful to get caught breaking voting rules.
Stick close to your desks and never go to sea, And you all may be rulers of the King's Navy! Stick close to your desks and never go to sea, And you all may be rulers of the King's Navy!	Stick closed in your basement and no one see And you all may be President of USA! Stick closed is basement and never people see, And you'll be President of the USA!